It looks like, in about 2 hours, I'm going to be a civilian. This will be the first time ever that I've actually been a civilian completely.
I was born in a military hospital in San Diego, California, making me a military dependent. I stayed one till I joined the military myself at age 18. I stayed in the military reserve even after finishing my tour of active duty, and in the meantime, became a police officer and then a sheriff's deputy. I retired from the military reserve as well. So from birth to age 57 I've not been a civilian. At least to my way of thinking about it.
So now I'm actually going to be one, for real. A retired peace officer for certain, but a civilian to boot. I'm pretty sure there's no manual for that, no instruction booklet or list of items to follow as you move from one status to another. I know I won't get half price at the pizza place anymore, but that wasn't something I wanted to do anyway, so that's no big deal. I guess I'll have to be careful out there now to not involve myself in things that don't concern me, except perhaps, as a good witness.
I need to learn how to look at people differently. A few weeks ago, while in the food store, I was in street clothes and shopping for groceries. A couple who were also in there shopping nearby me were looking at some fruit or whatnot. I looked over at them, just glanced really, and the woman turned to the man and said, "That man just looked at me like he's a police officer!"
I have to admit, I was stunned. I had no idea that I had looked at them any differently than I might look at a can of beans sitting on a shelf in front of me, but it appears I was wrong. Police officers do, in fact, have a way of looking at people that is very, very different than most. Police look at you without the discomfort regular folks have when people catch you staring at them, because the Police have every right to stare at whomever they wish, and they know it. Part of what we do is to look at people while trying to determine just what they might be up to, or, to make sure they are not up to anything. So we look. And we stare. And our very look tells you that we know we can look and there's nothing you can do about it, and we are not uncomfortable in the least. This can be quite disconcerting to the general public at large.
So, I'm going to have to learn how to look at people in a whole new way. Any bets I'll be successful?
I certainly wouldn't bet the farm if I were you.....
Mac
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
Witnessed a bad motorcycle wreck this morning while on my way into town. Was the first one on the scene, stood by till the police, fire, and ambulance units arrived. When I walked up to the guy I just knew I was walking up to a dead man, but he was alive. Rode through the complete barrier system at the HOV lane entrance on southbound highway 45 approaching highway 1960. Went around me doing at least 90 mph, thought the HOV lane was open today (it wasn't), and hit the barriers at full speed. Broke through several barrier arms, a large, solid, metal gate, a cable mesh net, and another two barrier arms, leaving one last barrier arm untouched as the bike slid under it, and he flew over it. I parked my Jeep in the debris with the flashers on, got out and dialed 911 as I was walking up to where he was. He was still, motionless, and I couldn't hear anything until I knelt down by him and put my hand on his jacketed shoulder. He was saying over and over, "I though it was open, I thought it was open, I thought it was open." I was there for thirty minutes and when I left the ambulance crew was still working on him. His left leg is probably gone, I can't see how they'll save it. Other injuries were too well concealed by his leather gear so I'm not sure what else might have been wrong, but it has to be extensive. Full face helmet, heavy leather jacket, blue jeans, sneakers. On a sport bike. They don't call them zoom-splats for nothing.
And all on my next to last day in uniform.
Mac
And all on my next to last day in uniform.
Mac
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I think I might have made a good actor. No, really. Why do I think that? Well, I can remember my lines. Really, really, really remember my lines.
An example you say? Okay, here's just one.
"I'm not very old, and I'm not very bold,
But I'm brave enough to say.
We wish you a merry Christmas,
And a Happy New Years Day."
That, my doubting friends, is from a Christmas program put on when I was in Kindergarten, and those were my lines. I was five years old and it was the first half of Kindergarten, in Odessa, Texas, as the second half of Kindergarten was in St. Louis, Missouri. No program in the second half.
All kidding aside, I'm not really sure why I've remembered that all my life. That was sometime around 1961 I believe, so it was quite some time ago. I remember rehearsing my lines with my mom when we lived at my grandmothers house in Odessa while dad was attending Army boot camp at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. At some point I remember my grandmother taking us three kids into a bedroom and asking us if we wanted to stay with her, or go with our parents when they left to go to dad's next assignment with the Army. The other two kids were really too little to know one way or the other what she was talking about, so she was essentially asking me. I told her I wanted to go with my mom and dad, and she never treated me well ever again after that. You only got one chance with my mom's mom, and if you didn't live up to what she wanted, you were pretty much personae non grata after that.
First grade in Austin, Texas after that, and then second grade in Eminence, Missouri while dad was in Greenland, of all places. I remember that year JFK was assassinated. I was too young to really understand what was going on, and the implications of it, but I knew folks around me were mightily upset and scared, so I was scared, too.
Seems like folks are still scared today.
Mac
An example you say? Okay, here's just one.
"I'm not very old, and I'm not very bold,
But I'm brave enough to say.
We wish you a merry Christmas,
And a Happy New Years Day."
That, my doubting friends, is from a Christmas program put on when I was in Kindergarten, and those were my lines. I was five years old and it was the first half of Kindergarten, in Odessa, Texas, as the second half of Kindergarten was in St. Louis, Missouri. No program in the second half.
All kidding aside, I'm not really sure why I've remembered that all my life. That was sometime around 1961 I believe, so it was quite some time ago. I remember rehearsing my lines with my mom when we lived at my grandmothers house in Odessa while dad was attending Army boot camp at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. At some point I remember my grandmother taking us three kids into a bedroom and asking us if we wanted to stay with her, or go with our parents when they left to go to dad's next assignment with the Army. The other two kids were really too little to know one way or the other what she was talking about, so she was essentially asking me. I told her I wanted to go with my mom and dad, and she never treated me well ever again after that. You only got one chance with my mom's mom, and if you didn't live up to what she wanted, you were pretty much personae non grata after that.
First grade in Austin, Texas after that, and then second grade in Eminence, Missouri while dad was in Greenland, of all places. I remember that year JFK was assassinated. I was too young to really understand what was going on, and the implications of it, but I knew folks around me were mightily upset and scared, so I was scared, too.
Seems like folks are still scared today.
Mac
Monday, November 25, 2013
It has been a while since I posted in here. I managed to stub my toe at work a while back and the penance came due last week. Have to admit, it was my own fault, can't blame it on anyone else, and I was quite depressed last week to say the least. So, I didn't post on this blog, didn't even leave the house, and kind of just waited it out. This particular incident was what caused me to realize I was done, and needed to retire, because my heart just wasn't in it anymore.
Then today came. All debts have been paid, all is forgiven, and today went exceptionally well. I attended the retirement ceremony the Sheriff has each month for those that are retiring that month and it was so well done. He read a bio of each deputy, sergeant, and the captain that are retiring this month. We were each awarded a Sheriffs challenge coin, a nice plaque, a signed copy of our bio, as well as the retirement badge and I.D. of a retired peace officer.
It was such a good day. Friends of mine were able to get to this particular ceremony, even though it was a last minute deal that I decided to attend. I wish I'd been able to give family enough time to be there, but it was not to be. But it was such a good day. Before the ceremony I took my badge to a jeweler I know and he cleaned it up and shined it a bit, and it looked spectacular. Got my uniform pressed and all ready and it looked really good. Hopefully the pictures they took will turn out well, I'll be glad to have them and display them.
6 more days and I'll be completely retired from the Sheriff's Office. I'm on vacation, comp time, or holiday time till the end, and then I'll technically be a civilian, for the first time in a long, long time.
Man, it was a really good day today.
Mac
Then today came. All debts have been paid, all is forgiven, and today went exceptionally well. I attended the retirement ceremony the Sheriff has each month for those that are retiring that month and it was so well done. He read a bio of each deputy, sergeant, and the captain that are retiring this month. We were each awarded a Sheriffs challenge coin, a nice plaque, a signed copy of our bio, as well as the retirement badge and I.D. of a retired peace officer.
It was such a good day. Friends of mine were able to get to this particular ceremony, even though it was a last minute deal that I decided to attend. I wish I'd been able to give family enough time to be there, but it was not to be. But it was such a good day. Before the ceremony I took my badge to a jeweler I know and he cleaned it up and shined it a bit, and it looked spectacular. Got my uniform pressed and all ready and it looked really good. Hopefully the pictures they took will turn out well, I'll be glad to have them and display them.
6 more days and I'll be completely retired from the Sheriff's Office. I'm on vacation, comp time, or holiday time till the end, and then I'll technically be a civilian, for the first time in a long, long time.
Man, it was a really good day today.
Mac
Sunday, November 17, 2013
In the morning I go to work for the last time I am scheduled to work a shift. I am still employed till November 30th, but tomorrow is my last scheduled work day. The rest is vacation, comp time and holidays.
Right at 35 years of wearing a badge and carrying a gun for a living. I'm afraid I'm not going to be very useful for anything else, but I'm going to go out there and see what I can find. 35 years of being expected to be more than human, always aware that more is expected of me than of others. Knowing that every single mistake, no matter how small, will be seen as an indictment of all police. Knowing that every single contact with a member of the public could result in a complaint, or a civil suite, or in a fight from low level wrestling with someone to get them into handcuffs, all the way up to fighting for my very life. Knowing that there are people out there that would love to kill a police officer, or harm his family, just to get back at the "system" they feel has treated them unfairly.
People always scoff at us when we explain how dangerous our job is. "Oh, but there are other, more dangerous, jobs out there" they'll say. "Loggers and fishermen, and others get killed all the time" they'll say. I always ask them, "Do the logs, or the fish, or the sea, come to them and try to kill them?" Their deaths are from mother nature, equipment failure, freezing seas they fall into, or chain saws that break or buck and kill.
Our deaths are from other human beings pointing weapons as us and pulling the triggers. Our deaths are on purpose, not on accident, although accidents do happen. People plot and plan to kill the police. People put pieces into place in order to kill a police officer if they are caught doing whatever it is they don't want to be caught doing. No log ever stalked a logger. No log ever hid behind a building in ambush for a logger. No summer storm ever waited just to sink a fishing boat.
Apples and oranges.
So far, I've never had to shoot anyone, nor to kill anyone, in any manner. Neither in my police career or my military career. I've come so close before that it still shakes me up even today to think about the instances where I was leaning into my shotgun and squeezing the trigger, anticipating the recoil and preparing for the consequences, when a suspect finally heeded my orders to drop their weapon at the last, possible, moment. Happened far too many times, with either shotgun, patrol rifle, or handgun, to suit me, but I never had to actually fire. I thank God for that. While always prepared to do so, I have never been one to wish it would happen. I've known those who did wish it to happen, and I found them to be no one I wanted to hang around. Trouble on the hoof. Disaster waiting for a place to happen.
I am happy I've never had to kill, especially when the general public sometimes seems to think that's all we want to do, get the opportunity to shoot someone. Far from it, we don't want to at all, if it can be helped.
My philosophy of police work was to be as nice to people as they would allow me to be. To be as respectful to people as they would allow me to be. To be as helpful to people as they would allow me to be. In other words, if you came in contact with me, YOU set the tone of how the encounter was going to go. If you were civil, I was civil. If you were an ass, I was much, much better at it that you were. Trust me on that.
Mac
Right at 35 years of wearing a badge and carrying a gun for a living. I'm afraid I'm not going to be very useful for anything else, but I'm going to go out there and see what I can find. 35 years of being expected to be more than human, always aware that more is expected of me than of others. Knowing that every single mistake, no matter how small, will be seen as an indictment of all police. Knowing that every single contact with a member of the public could result in a complaint, or a civil suite, or in a fight from low level wrestling with someone to get them into handcuffs, all the way up to fighting for my very life. Knowing that there are people out there that would love to kill a police officer, or harm his family, just to get back at the "system" they feel has treated them unfairly.
People always scoff at us when we explain how dangerous our job is. "Oh, but there are other, more dangerous, jobs out there" they'll say. "Loggers and fishermen, and others get killed all the time" they'll say. I always ask them, "Do the logs, or the fish, or the sea, come to them and try to kill them?" Their deaths are from mother nature, equipment failure, freezing seas they fall into, or chain saws that break or buck and kill.
Our deaths are from other human beings pointing weapons as us and pulling the triggers. Our deaths are on purpose, not on accident, although accidents do happen. People plot and plan to kill the police. People put pieces into place in order to kill a police officer if they are caught doing whatever it is they don't want to be caught doing. No log ever stalked a logger. No log ever hid behind a building in ambush for a logger. No summer storm ever waited just to sink a fishing boat.
Apples and oranges.
So far, I've never had to shoot anyone, nor to kill anyone, in any manner. Neither in my police career or my military career. I've come so close before that it still shakes me up even today to think about the instances where I was leaning into my shotgun and squeezing the trigger, anticipating the recoil and preparing for the consequences, when a suspect finally heeded my orders to drop their weapon at the last, possible, moment. Happened far too many times, with either shotgun, patrol rifle, or handgun, to suit me, but I never had to actually fire. I thank God for that. While always prepared to do so, I have never been one to wish it would happen. I've known those who did wish it to happen, and I found them to be no one I wanted to hang around. Trouble on the hoof. Disaster waiting for a place to happen.
I am happy I've never had to kill, especially when the general public sometimes seems to think that's all we want to do, get the opportunity to shoot someone. Far from it, we don't want to at all, if it can be helped.
My philosophy of police work was to be as nice to people as they would allow me to be. To be as respectful to people as they would allow me to be. To be as helpful to people as they would allow me to be. In other words, if you came in contact with me, YOU set the tone of how the encounter was going to go. If you were civil, I was civil. If you were an ass, I was much, much better at it that you were. Trust me on that.
Mac
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
It got a bit chilly today, and is supposed to be even cooler tonight. This area definitely goes kind of crazy when it gets anywhere around freezing, like they lose their minds is what. I don't know, I'm going to go visit some places where it actually gets cold, and gets snow, at least for a little while. I'm no huge fan of the cold, or of snow, but I like to visit it once in a while, lol.
The best snows I've ever seen were in Germany when we lived there, followed by New Jersey when we lived there. Those near three years in Europe definitely stand out as far as getting snow goes. We got so used to it in the Boy Scouts that we rarely even used tents, and I've woken up several times covered in a two inch layer of snow on my sleeping bag, and was still snug as a bug. Once we were camped out in an old castle and woke up to a tour walking through the area. Freaked them right out as we started to wake and sit up, still in our sleeping bags. That was one of the best laughs we had.
I remember the New Jersey snow because of the sledding I think. We lived in the housing area of a very small base and it was on a hill. It was great for sledding and we had those saucer sleds then. Nearly broke our damned necks but it was fun. The ONLY thing in New Jersey that was fun the whole year we were there. Hated that place for the most part. Oh well, you have to be somewhere, lol.
Mac
The best snows I've ever seen were in Germany when we lived there, followed by New Jersey when we lived there. Those near three years in Europe definitely stand out as far as getting snow goes. We got so used to it in the Boy Scouts that we rarely even used tents, and I've woken up several times covered in a two inch layer of snow on my sleeping bag, and was still snug as a bug. Once we were camped out in an old castle and woke up to a tour walking through the area. Freaked them right out as we started to wake and sit up, still in our sleeping bags. That was one of the best laughs we had.
I remember the New Jersey snow because of the sledding I think. We lived in the housing area of a very small base and it was on a hill. It was great for sledding and we had those saucer sleds then. Nearly broke our damned necks but it was fun. The ONLY thing in New Jersey that was fun the whole year we were there. Hated that place for the most part. Oh well, you have to be somewhere, lol.
Mac
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Finally feeling better. 18 days left after today before I am officially unemployed. Between something like 4 and 8 working days left. It is really getting down to the wire. So many things to plan, so many thing to get ready before heading out on the road.
I keep adding things I want to do on the way. Just thought of the Big Bend National Park for a few days of camping. Have wanted to do that for quite some time so why not since I'm going to have the time. Between spending a bit of time in Destin, Florida, Eminence, Missouri, Tennessee, Big Bend, visiting the kids and grand kids, and all the other things I've been thinking about, I may need several years worth of free time to do everything, lol.
Of course, I do have to remember I am not as young as I used to be. The camping, and hiking, and scuba diving, and sky diving, and all the other things I've done over the years have to be scaled back to a mild roar as I'm just not up to doing as much as I used to, and I surely don't heal as quickly, or as well, as I used to. So, camping will now include cots and chairs, instead of the ground, and hiking will consist of easy, leisurely trails that don't include a sharp upward incline. At least for a while till I get used to things again. Hotels and motels are certainly not out of the question either when appropriate, and they are much more appropriate at my current age, believe me.
But, on the other hand, there is no hurry. I don't have to be anywhere at any particular time, nor are any deadlines set for anything. Each day can be it's own agenda, with it's own schedule, and it's own activities, or none at all. Slowing down is the ultimate goal of my continuing adventures. Relaxation is what's for dinner.
Mac
I keep adding things I want to do on the way. Just thought of the Big Bend National Park for a few days of camping. Have wanted to do that for quite some time so why not since I'm going to have the time. Between spending a bit of time in Destin, Florida, Eminence, Missouri, Tennessee, Big Bend, visiting the kids and grand kids, and all the other things I've been thinking about, I may need several years worth of free time to do everything, lol.
Of course, I do have to remember I am not as young as I used to be. The camping, and hiking, and scuba diving, and sky diving, and all the other things I've done over the years have to be scaled back to a mild roar as I'm just not up to doing as much as I used to, and I surely don't heal as quickly, or as well, as I used to. So, camping will now include cots and chairs, instead of the ground, and hiking will consist of easy, leisurely trails that don't include a sharp upward incline. At least for a while till I get used to things again. Hotels and motels are certainly not out of the question either when appropriate, and they are much more appropriate at my current age, believe me.
But, on the other hand, there is no hurry. I don't have to be anywhere at any particular time, nor are any deadlines set for anything. Each day can be it's own agenda, with it's own schedule, and it's own activities, or none at all. Slowing down is the ultimate goal of my continuing adventures. Relaxation is what's for dinner.
Mac
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Yup, like I always say, the best laid plans of mice and men, eh? Out sick for several days now, not that great now but better, so planning to go back to work tomorrow. Was NOT planning to be sick but it never fails. Stayed home on Sunday because I felt like something was coming on, but Monday felt okay again, so I went to work. Silly me. By Monday night I was feeling MUCH worse and was sick Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. By this evening though I'm actually feeling better and will go back in the morning.
Just a few more days to go now. A little retirement get together on the 15th I believe, put on by the folks in the Inmate Trust Fund, where I was their sergeant for about 16 years before I moved to Courts. I figured they earned the right since they put up with me for so long, lol. That position was very good to me over the years, I have to admit. I wish I could have just stayed there till I retired, it would have been so much easier.
But, plans, then more plans, then plans within plans, change in plans, planning for change, it just goes on and on. Changes coming, big changes and little changes. Change.
Here comes the train of change. Hop on board, or get off the tracks, or get run over, it's our choice.
Mac
Just a few more days to go now. A little retirement get together on the 15th I believe, put on by the folks in the Inmate Trust Fund, where I was their sergeant for about 16 years before I moved to Courts. I figured they earned the right since they put up with me for so long, lol. That position was very good to me over the years, I have to admit. I wish I could have just stayed there till I retired, it would have been so much easier.
But, plans, then more plans, then plans within plans, change in plans, planning for change, it just goes on and on. Changes coming, big changes and little changes. Change.
Here comes the train of change. Hop on board, or get off the tracks, or get run over, it's our choice.
Mac
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Another pretty relaxing day. Needed it. Back to work tomorrow though, things to get done and finished with. 26 days to go. Makes for about 14 working days. I think I can tough it out, lol.
Getting colder out, especially at night. Got down to 40 degrees last night here, can't even imagine it after the heat we had this summer. It had warmed up by about 9am anyway. Didn't get to be out at all this weekend, lots to do here at home and then was so sore I couldn't move hardly. Much better now, so I'll head in tomorrow to work one day before my two days off. It's a great schedule if you can get it I suppose, hehehehe. The cats have been especially cuddly lately, not sure what's up with that. I figure it's because I'm warm, and it's chilly around here. But what the heck, I don't mind anyway.
Hopefully everything is going to go according to plan and I'll be free soon, to do what I want, when I can. Sure looking forward to it.
Mac
Getting colder out, especially at night. Got down to 40 degrees last night here, can't even imagine it after the heat we had this summer. It had warmed up by about 9am anyway. Didn't get to be out at all this weekend, lots to do here at home and then was so sore I couldn't move hardly. Much better now, so I'll head in tomorrow to work one day before my two days off. It's a great schedule if you can get it I suppose, hehehehe. The cats have been especially cuddly lately, not sure what's up with that. I figure it's because I'm warm, and it's chilly around here. But what the heck, I don't mind anyway.
Hopefully everything is going to go according to plan and I'll be free soon, to do what I want, when I can. Sure looking forward to it.
Mac
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Took the day off today for no particular reason, just needed to get some stuff done that I was not getting done. So, probably now did too much, going to be sore as hell. Typical.
I did take a bit of a break and try out some of my camping equipment to see what kind of shape it's in and if any work needs to be done to it for future use. Set up my cot, which I purchased fairly recently. It's called an "EasyCot" and it is just that. Very east to set up, and very easy to sleep on, for a cot. I've mainly used army cots my entire life and this is a VAST improvement over those. Very comfortable with no added parts or padding, so when I add a camping air mattress it is divine.
Also got out my newer type army sleep "system" as they call it, I call it a sleeping bag inside another sleeping bag inside a sleeping bag cover. First time I've unrolled it since I bought it a couple of years ago. I still have my old army sleeping bag from when I was still in, and there is really no comparison between the two. My old bag is the same old one they'd been using when my dad was in the army as I used his to go camping in when I was in the Boy Scouts! So there'd been NO improvement over that long of a time. The one I bought is actually the last model they had put out before they came out with the one currently in use by our troops. But it's brand new and very, very nice. So I tried it out. I put it on the cot, which had the air mattress on it, and slid inside.
Now, you have to imagine that I used to fit in one of these things very nicely with lots of room left over. When I was 20. When I weighed about 170 pounds. Now, not so much. Oh, it would do in a pinch, I could fit in it and zip it up but it was a bit cramped. My legs were fine, but once you got up to the hips, abdomen, chest and shoulders, I could tell I would NOT like it to be fully zipped up at all. So, it's now the backup bag for when it's really cold outside, lol.
I shall continue to use the nice flannel lined bags I bought for the kids to use when we went camping and you could fit three or four kids in each one if you needed to. Lots of room, even for me, so they will be the primary for now. The cot is a solid go. The air mattress I currently have will be replaced with one that is wider so I don't feel like I'm sliding off the thing on one side or the other (it used to be perfect when I was still using the old army bag and army cot, oh well). I found just the one and I can get it at REI before I hit the road. I look forward to the camping experience once again, it's been too long.
Mac
I did take a bit of a break and try out some of my camping equipment to see what kind of shape it's in and if any work needs to be done to it for future use. Set up my cot, which I purchased fairly recently. It's called an "EasyCot" and it is just that. Very east to set up, and very easy to sleep on, for a cot. I've mainly used army cots my entire life and this is a VAST improvement over those. Very comfortable with no added parts or padding, so when I add a camping air mattress it is divine.
Also got out my newer type army sleep "system" as they call it, I call it a sleeping bag inside another sleeping bag inside a sleeping bag cover. First time I've unrolled it since I bought it a couple of years ago. I still have my old army sleeping bag from when I was still in, and there is really no comparison between the two. My old bag is the same old one they'd been using when my dad was in the army as I used his to go camping in when I was in the Boy Scouts! So there'd been NO improvement over that long of a time. The one I bought is actually the last model they had put out before they came out with the one currently in use by our troops. But it's brand new and very, very nice. So I tried it out. I put it on the cot, which had the air mattress on it, and slid inside.
Now, you have to imagine that I used to fit in one of these things very nicely with lots of room left over. When I was 20. When I weighed about 170 pounds. Now, not so much. Oh, it would do in a pinch, I could fit in it and zip it up but it was a bit cramped. My legs were fine, but once you got up to the hips, abdomen, chest and shoulders, I could tell I would NOT like it to be fully zipped up at all. So, it's now the backup bag for when it's really cold outside, lol.
I shall continue to use the nice flannel lined bags I bought for the kids to use when we went camping and you could fit three or four kids in each one if you needed to. Lots of room, even for me, so they will be the primary for now. The cot is a solid go. The air mattress I currently have will be replaced with one that is wider so I don't feel like I'm sliding off the thing on one side or the other (it used to be perfect when I was still using the old army bag and army cot, oh well). I found just the one and I can get it at REI before I hit the road. I look forward to the camping experience once again, it's been too long.
Mac
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